It’s been awhile since I posted…
Honestly, trying to find the time and the energy to concentrate on anything outside of the essentials of life takes effort with a capital E, F, F, O, R, and T times infinity plus (Is that even possible to have ‘times infinity plus’?)
When I was first diagnosed back in 2014, my goal was to post once a week because writing helped me gather all my overwhelmed, chemo-ridden, ‘somebody replaced my rabbit trails with kamikaze ducks’ thoughts into one coherent, ‘fit for human consumption’ thought.
In other words, it helped me process everything.
When I was diagnosed again in 2016, my goal was to post once a month because, frankly, I didn’t want to overwhelm people with the mental kamikaze duck trails of someone who was coming to terms with a terminal disease.
Now, I find that each day, however it may monotonously mirror the day before, is just plain ol’ filled up the essential necessities of life. And in each day, I am able to bear that particular load, moment by moment, day by day:
(usually early because I can’t stand to lie on my spine anymore.)
(30 minutes a day – because hormonal blockers for cancer make you want to eat even the sun, moon, stars and anything else that has ventured into the path of your mouth!)
(because we’re at home and… uh… it’s time for school?!)
(20 hours a week- that’s a complicated subject, but here’s the shorter version: you cannot claim disability if you have not earned enough SSA credits in the last 10 years. This means that I am trying to earn the credits necessary for when I am unable to work or move or whatever else may cross my path because of cancer-related issues. Confused yet? Welcome to the Social Security Administration…)
Keeping Up With The Chores
(as opposed to the hilarious British show, Keeping Up Appearances. Tea, anyone?)
(because Pappy Chubb taught me the importance of taking a nap before bedtime!)
(because naptime wasn’t long enough…)
People tell me that I look great and, depending on the moment, my response varies from, “Really?” to “Thanks.” to “Looks are deceiving…” to “It’s called grace. THIS is what God’s grace looks like.” but really, all in all, “I’m doing okay.“
The spinal pain is my constant friend and I am learning about “Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end.” (Eph. 3:20, KJV) and to “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:6-9, NASB)
The good news is: my recent CT scan says everything is STABLE. That means that even though the cancer is present it is not progressing and that, dear folks and friends, is very good news! And on that note, have a wonderfully bless day and keep on smiling, because in a world that wants to be distinctly black and white, a ray of smiley face yellow can go a very long way to brighten a truly grey day or gray day depending on where y’all are from!